Rika's Personal Rules

Don't get me wrong. Although my 'University Years' haven't been all too successful I had a great life so far, and somehow I always managed to fall on my feet - probably because I never fell really high. However when I was in these situations it felt all grave and as if nobody else had problems but me. I believe that it doesn't matter how big the problem actually is - it is important how big it feels. And when resolved it is possible to learn from the small ones as much as from the big ones.

These rules are derived from 19 years of searching for my place in the world starting when I left home at the age of 18 and ending when I moved to England .

Do things for the right reasons

I know - easily said! But deep inside you usually know when you are committing to something for the wrong reasons.

My own example is my decision to do homeopathy school. I never had such a tension between my mum an me like at that time. I had no job perspective and only wanted to flee. I still wanted to be a 'good girl' and make my mum happy, but didn't know how. Every idea I had - e.g. becoming a social worker - made things worse. 'Girl, you can pave the streets with social workers, and so many are out there without a job, and if they have one they only earn little money'. Hmm?!

When the offer came to pay this school for me I felt I could have peace again with my parents and that was all I wanted. It sounded interesting and something I might be able to achieve, and I had basic knowledge. So no real reason against it. But something was wrong. It decided for it as a peace treaty and not because I actually wanted to have my own practice and mix potions.

So I did a basically good and reasonable thing for the wrong reason.

During any task there will be rough patches, and there will always be a time where the extra mile needs to be tackled. Nothing is sunshine 24/7. If you are in it for the wrong reasons you might not be able to pull this through. This can affect family life, health, everything.

So whenever there is decision time, listen carefully to all the good advice of the others, weigh carefully all the emotions other people load onto your shoulders and decide which ones you can carry and which ones not. And then close the door behind you, make yourself comfy and have a one-to-one with yourself. Be at least honest to yourself!

I didn't contemplate all that. I was young, inexperienced and emotional. I went for the first thing that helped me to make peace - for that it was the right reason. But I didn't explore other options. I might have come to the same decision, but it would have been a conscious and not an emotional one. And who knows, it might even have worked out with homeopathy school. Knowing bears a lot of power and energy. It can bring you half way through the task before you've even started.

I'm not sure what would have happened to me not doing this school, but doing it half-heartedly the outcome was a lot of lost money, becoming very suspicious of healers, and one 'Rule' richer. Well, could have been worse.

Don't delay decisions

There will be no prince riding the white horse and rescuing you.

If there is something painful around the corner we tend to close the eyes hoping that it might go away while we know all along that it is edging closer.

So we are having a miserable time waiting for it to go away - of what we know won't happen - and then we are having the pain anyway.

I don't do this anymore. However big or small, I want to get it done and over with. And you know what? It feels brilliant! When you face an issue head on, then you are in control. You might even dictate the rules of the game. And the sense of achievement when it is over is fantastic. I have become a decision junkie.

I sort the facts. I analyse the other people involved. Why are they reacting a certain way? Where are their benefits of the whole thing? Then I create my case: How can I sell my point to them that they think it's their own idea. This way I'm prepared and confident in my decision ... and then I go for it. Sometimes I win, sometimes I lose the game. But I always gain my peace of mind and the freedom to go ahead with my life.

Always win

I found out something really weird: It is impossible to loose!

I figured that in regard to winning there are two things to be considered. Firstly there is the 'situations you are in', which can be good or bad. Secondly there is the 'learning from the situation' which can be noting or a lot.

So!

When you are happy and the situation is good, you are usually not learning a lot from it. What is okay, why should you? Nobody would ask: Oh I'm so happy, why is that?

What basically means that if you would have an absolutely happy life it would be great, but you wouldn't be the least bit prepared if something bad would happen.

Only when the situation gets bad you start analysing and learning and the worse it gets the more you can take out of it. So even if you are unhappy right now, you can win the overall game by acknowledging the situation as it is, sort of slipping into the role of an observer, learn the most you can and then use 'Rule 2 - Don't delay decisions' and get out there as quickly as possible.

So you might not have been happy throughout, but the benefit of learning something about yourself and others might surpass the benefits of a constantly happy life. And be honest: Wouldn't it be boring to be happy 24/7?