Sometimes it’s hard!
You want to loose weight? Find more time for yourself? Catch up on old skills?
Welcome to the page of truth.
This site was created because I felt that I had arrived at a stage where I had made it to the shape and the life I wanted. And I thought the one or the other of you might be interested to know what I did to get there, and to find the odd tip for trying out yourselves.
When I started to write more and more articles about stuff that was going round in my head I felt that there is need to dedicate one page to the fact that it is not all sunshine all the time. Sometimes it was not easy. I worked hard, and I took a lot of decisions which sometimes felt threatening – to me and others. If it hadn’t been so, I wouldn’t have created this site. I wouldn’t have seen my changes as achievements worth sharing.
You will have to accept that if you want to achieve something and keep it for good you will have to find some determination within yourself. I never was determined. I was known as the least determined person in our family. Changing professions, starting something – ending it quickly, dieting – eating with lust, making sports – on and off. If I wouldn’t have had my husband and a very steady marriage I would have been a complete failure. But I helped everybody! Because I wasn’t in fix jobs I was always available, the trouble shooter and maiden for everything for friends and family. They loved me and I thought that - at least to an extent - this was because I was so kind and helpful. Luckily I noticed that now I had to help myself. That nobody else would pull that through for me and that the person to rely on was me, me and me.
You will have to develop a healthy selfishness. Look around at people who you consider successful and beautiful. How often have they not been available for you? How often is it that you are actually doing something for them in order to be with them and to spend time together as friends. You might tell yourself: Yeah, they are so busy, and I never ask so they actually can’t help me. But think hard: They probably would be there for huge things like life threatening situations, but for the little things of life? And - more importantly they create and aura in which no one dares asking. You on the other hand are asked all the time, or you offer yourself anyway. If they are real friends they will stay with you when you are starting your 'selfish experience', and if not – tough decision, but then you shouldn’t want to have them as friends. First and foremost you have to become your own friend.
You will have to develop a rather blunt honesty towards yourself. To achieve something you need to know what it actually is that you want, and why you want it. If you want to loose weight to fit into some dress, but actually you are craving for a compliment of your husband - that is dangerous. Fitting into the dress might not make you happy if you don’t get the compliment. You will loose interest and gain weight again.
Whatever it is that you want to achieve, to make it last for good you will have to make certain changes to your lifestyle. This will affect the people around you and you will have to face their responses.
Change is scary – for you and for others. You might not be as available as before, your behaviour might change, or your looks - you might become competition to your friends. You might have to give up something that you quite liked in order to gain something you like as well – but will you like it enough? Sometimes it turns out that you can’t have it all. So what to go for?
Even if you are told that you have the support of friends and family be aware that subconsciously people might work against you. They don’t even realise it or mean bad, it just happens that way. I got lucky that my husband jumped into my boat. So he is real support. But for example some friends still tend to bring sweets when we invite them and I always feel a bit tested: 'Oh, when you are so determined then you won’t mind us having some in your house, then you will have to cope with the leftovers. Because if we have them at home we only will eat them.' Great! After the visit I'm standing there having to throw my favourite sweets into the bin. And if I go all soft and have some chocolates myself: 'Alas, she is human after all, and we are not as bad having these sweets. If she falters then we might as well, no harm done’.
So it's either:
For me these incidents, however small they are, are catch 22s. And I’d rather have liked my friends not putting me into them. I feel like becoming a spoil on social events. And the more successful I feel the more difficult it becomes. Although they know me for years they only seem to see me as the size 8-10 I am now. They don’t seem to remember the way I have come, when I was horrified to go into fitting rooms having to face these size 14 maggot coloured legs. They don’t seem to know about my previous lack of determination and that sometimes I’m still worried I might fall back into my old habits and loose it all.
But then you have to remember the complements and respect you got for what you have achieved already, sometimes by the same people. As I said at the beginning: 'They don’t deliberately trying to sabotage you.' They have their habits of what to do when meeting socially which usually are working. They are just not acknowledging the fact that if one partner of the relationship is going through a change, the old rules may not apply anymore. And that previously appreciated behaviour might now go hard on someone.
All the above results in one thing: Self-confidence. You have to learn to feel important – because you are! Find your dream, and then in little steps march towards it. It’s not plain pavement, sometimes the road is slippery and you might slide back a bit from time to time, but if you really want it you can do anything.
And then there will be the one day where you will notice that you won’t allow anybody to take away what you have achieved. You will find your little standard answers for the teasing phrases you might receive, and you will laugh the things away which go on your nerves. That’s when you have arrived!