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How to: Take it apart - Bring it together

So you have noticed that you are not really unhappy, but not really happy either. That you want to change something, but you are not sure what that is. You may have tried a few things but they didn't really work?

I will not promise you a quickfix, I don't believe there are any. I will not promise you that it will be easy. But I can promise you this: If you take it step by step, exercise patience, and don't faulter if you have to go a step back you will achieve whatever you want to achieve.

So lets get started!

You will need:

1/2 an hour of quality time with yourself. An hour would be better, but half an hour will do for starters.

Your favourite drink and/or nibble, and everything else you need to be comfy. But no loud music or any distraction. No phone, no door bell - only you, and...

A sheet of paper, a pencil and eraser, or a computer.

Throughout this process you will notice: I'm obsessed with lists!

Reason being: You can't cheat them, really. At least not without feeling a bit guilty. The only way to get around what is on a list is to sit down again, to make a proper new one and to think hard and honest until there is no guilt left over, and you know that this is a good list. The lists will become your friend, they are your means of keeping track of your project and to re-adjust when you feel that something is not working for you.

Are you sitting?

Isn't it great? Your big transformation starts with sitting comfortably. And here is what else you will have to do.

Write a List on: 'Taking it apart - Step 1'

What is our goal?

What do you want to become? Or what do you want to have?

What are the problem areas?

Food, sport, time management, work, accommodation, handling past time, social skills, motivation, certain people, addictions, money, ...

All the areas where you find that there are problems which keep you from achieving your goal have to go on the list.

Prioritise!

Now you write this list again, but you put it in an order. Put the one that you feel is easiest to do something about first and the most difficult one at the end. Although sometimes you might have to go with necessities, e.g. money issues might have to be resolved before you can afford gym membership.

Start at the beginning!

Now take the first one and forget about all the others for the time being.

Write a List on: 'Taking it apart - Step 2'

From now on you will only deal with this one problem that you have chosen. Don't deal with sport, and food and having to fit in that dress at the same time althought they all seem related. You want real change? You have to take it easy.

If your half an hour is up by now. Then wrap it up and do what you normally do, but schedule another session not later than in a weeks time. You have to get into a rhythm and the break will do you good.

Now that you are back, read through your 'List 1', see if you still agree - and if not - amend it! Then go ahead with tackling the first issue on it.

What are the problems of this area?

E.g. if you would have chosen 'Sport'. The problems could be:

Only know about running - hate it.
Too much preparation to go to the gym
I'm so knackered afterwards that I can't do anything else, ...

This is a tricky thing to do, but you have to find out why this is a problem area, and usually it's not only for one single reason. When you can grind it down you are almost there.

Bringing it together!

Tackle it!

And now tackle them one by one! Number them and then write to each of the entries what you want to do about it.

E.g.:

1. Only know about running - hate it.
2. Too much preparation to go to the gym
3. I'm so knackered afterwards that I can't do anything else, ...

To 1: I'm not going to run, but I will find out if biking, powerwalking, swimming, ... could be an option. I will research the internet and will go to a gym to ask what they can offer me. Maybe non-aerobic sport is an option.

....

Play around, explore options. Take a break, come back to your list, read through it again and amend it according to what you already did and tried. Don't address all the issues in one go. One day you might feel like talking to people, so you might want to arrange for a trial gym session, another day you need some calm then just sit down and research the internet.

Do steps that you really can achieve. But once you've decided on something, then do it full-heartedly and give it some time to kick in. This is not a list to tick off - this is a list to work through.

And once you are satisfied with the outcome of your efforts then you go back to 'list 1' and tackle the next problem area. You will see that it is much easier the second time round. You gained the confidence and experience on how to do it. And you will grow a little bit every time.

My lists helped me to get my time management right. It made me realise that I would need help with the housework, and that I had to let loose of some obsessions like a show-off garden. Letting loose was easy, getting help was more difficult but decided upon. I went back to list 1 and amended it so that money became top 1. After money was sorted I could hire a cleaner and gained the time to build this site.

But I'm sure I will soon find something else to make a list about.